Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
