just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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