i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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