A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
