I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
