I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
