The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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