i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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