Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
