yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
