Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
