I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
