She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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