the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
