I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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