yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
