I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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