I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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