So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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