I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
