The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You smell like stripper and shame
Acid is not a monday night drug
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
