New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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