i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
