Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
