I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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