she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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