I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
