just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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