She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
