Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
