He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You are a genius and a whore.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
