I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
