The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
