The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
