You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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