it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
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note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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