guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
