don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
