i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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