I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
