how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
