apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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