I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
