WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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