Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
