I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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