I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
