Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
