Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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