Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
