don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
