She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
