How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
