I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
