AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
