3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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