You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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