Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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