too bad you live with your parents still
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
