We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
