I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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