Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
