He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
