ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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