i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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