does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
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I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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